26 Jul ‘I Bought You Roses’
‘I bought you roses.
I was going to get tulips but the red in those thorny stalks reminded me of your lips.
Corse and distant as I’m forced to listen to words come out of your mouth that I wish I wasn’t here to witness.
You hold me and say you’ve missed this
How important the mundane and simplest
Moments are between two sad kids who find joy in breath between kisses.
You complicate each conversation I have with my senses
It’s nonsense how irreverent I treat myself when I should respect
The amount of effort, though at times my mind’s a detriment to my presence
It’s almost like I need more than an apology.
I need you to know what you’ve made me feel
So, I’ll ignore occasional calls, distant myself
Like the distance in myself and cause divides that have been in me since 15
My hands once covered in blood, now shine as if pristine,
They glisten due to the times when I would hold them to your cheeks
And every time I would question exactly what my life means
My motherfucking answer was standing right in front of me
My problem is that I think like that.
I treat relationships like they’re the most important thing
and everyone else is reading a script they didn’t write.
There’s sweat pouring down my neck and you haven’t even tried.
You are an unwelcome surprise
A detriment to my sacrifice
Apparently, everything I have to give never will suffice so I keep my door locked,
Shocked and bored as I hide.
If you have trouble identifying the constant in your life then you haven’t really haven’t tried.
Through the friends doing drugs, the drinking to oblivion
The family troubles that tug at you
I always fucking listen.
You had a shitty day so I went and bought you roses.
Wrote in a card hoping that you feel my emotion
Your favorite chocolates were boxed,
Ice cream was left frozen.
I should’ve learnt from these gifts that it’s just
Easier to never be open’